What Tina Fey says about Photoshop

I once had to edit a pregnant woman’s portrait to look as though she wasn’t pregnant. True story. To aid in the process, she submitted a photo of herself when she wasn’t with child. (Can I tell you a secret? She looked exactly the same.) To appease said hormone-infused client, I narrowed her face, removed a chin or two, enlarged her eyes and lips and increased the height of her bouffant. She loved it.

The moral of the story: Use what you’ve got. Make your clients happy.

But anyway, back to Tina Fey. Bossypants is a kick in the pants…in the fun sort of way. I read it a while back and copied down this excerpt to share on a day like today. Since most of you (like me) have been wrangled into designing (and de-chinning people) in Photoshop, it’s healthy to grasp the idea that Photoshop is here to stay. (My apologies for all the rhyming. It really wasn’t on purpose, but to write un-rhyming lines seems terribly hard at the moment.)

Anyone else wonder what this Photoshop file’s layers look like?

“Photoshop itself is not evil. Just like Italian salad dressing is not inherently evil, until you rub it all over a desperate young actress and stick her on the cover of Maxim, pretending to pull her panties down. (That “thumbs in the panties” move is the worst. Really? It’s not enough that they got greased up and in their panties for you, Maxim?)

Give it up. Retouching is here to say. Technology doesn’t move backward. No society has ever de-industrialized. Which is why we’ll never turn back from Photoshop – and why the economic collapse of China is going to be the death of us all. Never mind that. Let’s keep being up in arms about this Photoshop business!

I don’t see a future in which we’re all anorexic and suicidal. I do see a future in which we all retouch the bejeezus out of our own pictures at home. Family Christmas cards will just be eyes and nostrils in a snowman border.

At least with Photoshop you don’t really have to alter your body. It’s better than all these disgusting injections and implants. Isn’t it better to have a computer do it to your picture than to have a doctor do it to your face?

I have thus far refused to get any Botox or plastic surgery. (Although I do wear a clear elastic chin strap that I hook around my ears and pin under my day wig.) I can’t be expected to lead the charge on everything. Let me have my Photoshop.

For today is about dreams!”

And there you have it.

5.9.12 // Topics: Uncategorized

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